::: Adventures in Orange :::
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zero motivation

Something has been seriously wrong with me for the past two days. I sat down yesterday, totally primed to write an entry after months and months, and then.....poof. Nothing. And do I remember what I was going to write about? No. Which brings me to my problem. Clutter.

I have so many damn things rattling around in my head (and they ARE rattling) that nothing stands out. I can't grab onto a single one. So, I have so many things to choose from, that I am frozen...and I cannot write.

And. See. This is the greater problem that has been dogging me since at least yesterday. There are SO many possible things I could do...projects, errands, cleaning, brainstorming (you name it and it needs to be done around here) that I cannot focus on a single one. Not a single one.

I don't usually feel this paralyzed. I remember this feeling when I was a kid. I thought I was bored. But the truth is that I am never bored. But occasionally clutter gets the upper hand and I am overwhelmed. It's not just stuff. It's that AND it's stuff to do. I collect projects like some people collect figurines from the franklin mint. (look. I know that was a stretch, but I am trying to describe how desperate this is...and now you know).

So you would think the answer is to just jump in. Just pick something. I mean...it kinda works for a diary entry, no? Well I did. I thought that I really needed to get my ass in gear and build a nice little linux server for our budding business.

I went into the attic to grab the new PC case I bought SEVEN months ago (you see where I'm going with all this don't you?) and took it out of the box. Well a computer needs a power supply and when I bought the case at the computer show, I decided not to spend $22 on a cheap PS for this case because I was sure I had an extra one at home I could use.

Well. I kinda don't. I mean maybe I do, but I don't quite know enough to know if, of the two I have, either one will work. And I just don't have the energy to plow forward with it. Ok, I lied...NOW I am bored. See?

It's just a big mess in my head while I sit in a house full of crap. The house is full of crap...I mean, maybe I am too, but that would be a whole other entry, wouldn't it?

I just don't want to be old and surrounded by all sorts of crap that will never get used that is just collecting dust, taking up space, and blocking energy.

I almost lost you with that "blocking energy" bit didn't I? That's ok, you don't have to believe me. But just look at me today and you can see that clutter has a bad effect. And the crazy thing is that the clutter is fairly neat...its just that it's everywhere. Against every wall, in the basement, in the attic, and in my head. And its gotta go.

The best book on the clutter subject I have ever read is called: Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui. Obviously I am still struggling with clutter, but the book made me see it in a different light, and also helped me deal with the fact that it might take me a while to de-clutter. The book is awesome and every time I read it, I do get a surge of energy for clearing clutter. But. My issues run deep.

I gave my mother the book for christmas a couple of years ago. Just so you know, this book is really small (on purpose) and takes almost no time to read. Maybe an afternoon. I don't think she has even cracked that thing open and I know for sure she hasn't read it (because she said so, not because I am making clutter judgments mind you). Like I said. My clutter issues run deep.

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::: Jul. 10, 2003 :::
::: 1:45 PM :::
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